Recently, Joy and I had the pleasure of speaking at a conference of Educational Office Professionals in Baltimore, MD. The other speakers included Ms. Deborah Phelps, mother of six-time gold medalist in the 2004 Summer Olympics swimmer Michael Phelps (and now eight-time gold medalist in the 2008 Summer Olympics, and Agatha von Trapp, the 91-year-old daughter of Captain and Maria von Trapp, the family on which the movie “Sound of Music” was based. To say the least, there were a variety of subjects discussed that day.
As I listened to Ms. Phelps describe Michael’s achievements, I realized that his story had many of the secrets of success mentioned in my September article, Five Secrets to Creating a ‘Goal’ Medal Life.
Let’s go over these goal setting five secrets again and see how you can apply them:
1. Create Passion with Goal Setting
Ms. Phelps mentioned that Michael, after competing in the 2000 Summer Olympics, was excited about the experience. Michael told her he wanted to compete again in the 2004 Summer Olympics. He had that burning desire to compete and win. So they sat down, developed goals, and mapped out a detailed plan for his success.
What do you have passion about in your career, your life? Have you put pen to paper and developed goals to achieve what you want in life?
2. Believe in Greatness
Once Michael Phelp had competed in the 2000 Summer Olympics and held his own, he now believed he could win the swimming events in the 2004 Summer Olympics; not only win, but shatter world records. He visualized standing on the center stand with the gold medal around his neck. He visualized what winning the gold medals would look like, how it would feel, etc.
Have you visualized your “goal” medal life?
3. Create a Mastermind Group
Ms. Phelps said that once Michael set his goal, she (a single parent), his older sisters, Michael, and his long time swim coach, Bob Bowman, came together to develop a cohesive team for success. This was Michael’s mastermind group. This group was devoted to removing barriers and helping Michael achieve his dream. Bob Bowman provided the technical expertise; and Ms. Phelps and his sisters provided the financial, emotional, and family support to keep Michael focused on his goals. They kept him focused on his goals while removing any distractions.
Who is your mastermind group?
4. Embrace Challenges
Michael Phelp’s challenges began before his first Olympics. He was a son of divorced parents. Yet, he never used that as an excuse. After the 2000 Summer Olympics, his challenge was how do I become a gold medal athlete? He took a hard look at himself and received feedback from his mastermind group concerning how to make his weaknesses his strengths, and how to make his strengths the best in the world. He attacked those weaknesses with gusto everyday in practice.
When was the last time you asked the question, “How can I improve my skills to become the best?”
5. Never Give Up!
Ms. Phelps joked with the audience that as a mother, Michael’s style of swimming made her crazy. You see, Michael, is a “comeback” swimmer. In most cases, he is behind in his races. Then at the last moment, with a burst of energy and an
iron-willed belief he will win, he comes from behind to win the race. He believes that he can win every race as long as he is in the pool. He never gives up on his belief that he can win.
Do you believe that you can win every race?
As Ms. Phelps left the ballroom, we embraced; and she wished me the best. As she walked out the door, I thought that the Phelps family is truly living a “goal” medal life…and you can too.
Start today. You don't need to be an Olympic swimmer like Michael Phelps to develop winning goals. Apply these goal setting tips and you too can have a “goal” medal life!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Goal Setting Article:Five Secrets to Creating a "Goal" Medal Life - Part I, By Ed Sykes
The 2004 Olympics just ended in August. As always, it was an exciting event with its dramatic twists and turns, exhilarations, surprises, and disappointments as these great athletes performed at their peak in front of millions, if not billions, of fans for the glory of representing their country and possibly receiving a gold medal.
You, too, can experience the same excitement in your life. What are you doing now to achieve your “goal” medal? What are you doing to realize your goals in life?
You don’t need to be a world class athlete to achieve success in life. However, you can use many of the same success techniques that these athletes use to accomplish their goals.
The following are five goal setting tips that will help you stand on the winner’s platform in life:
1. Create Passion with Goal Setting
Take time to write down the goals that excite you. Ask yourself the following questions:
§ How will I feel when I achieve these goals?
§ What is keeping me from achieving these goals today?
§ What are the times and dates I want to achieve these goals?
§ What resources do I need to accomplish these goals?
§ What is my plan B, or secondary route, to achieving these goals?
2. Believe in Greatness
Once you have created your goals, take time to visualize your achievements. World class athletes visualize the victory before it happens. Take 15-30 minutes just before you go to bed or wake up in the morning and do the following:
§ Find a quiet place.
§ Quiet your mind, slowing down your breathing.
§ Visualize that you are already achieving whatever goal you want to accomplish. What does it look like? How does it feel?
World class athletes prepare themselves yesterday, today, and tomorrow for success through intense training and sacrifice. What are you doing to prepare yourself for your success? Do a self-analysis to find out how prepared you are today in relationship to your goals and what resources and skills you need to acquire to achieve your goals. What sacrifices are you willing to make so that you can achieve your goals? If it is a promotion, find out what skills, education, and resources are required to obtain that position. If it is a six-figure income, what sacrifices are you willing to make to realize it? Less television, more education?
I always say, “If you want something bad enough, act like you already have it.” That’s what champions do. They already believe that they will win a championship, a title, a gold medal. They have a positive, self-expecting attitude and set the bar for others to try to aspire.
I love tennis. One of my favorite tennis players is Roger Federer, the #1 ranked player in the world. When watching him play, I can see he owns the court. In his quiet, yet confident manner, he says to his opponent, “I am #1, I am the best!” Then he goes out and wins. With his positive attitude, he expects to win every time.
How can you apply this principle? Well, one example is if you are a manager and want to be promoted to vice president, act like a vice president today. That means dressing like a vice president, making decisions like a vice president, leading people like a vice president, etc. Also what it means is delegating certain tasks so that you can learn the required skills of a vice president (Read Delegate to Accelerate Success). Do you expect to succeed at any project with which you are involved?
3. Create a Mastermind Group
There is a saying, “A wise person learns from his own mistakes, a wiser person learns from other people’s mistakes.” That is what a mastermind group will do for you. Winning athletes have a mastermind group so that they will make fewer mistakes and take less time achieving their goals. A mastermind group is an assortment of people dedicated to give you the best advice, feedback, training, etc., so that you can achieve your goals faster. The mastermind group also gives you encouragement when needed. In sports, this might be a coach, a trainer, a physical trainer, manager, and agent. In your situation at work, it might be the following:
§ A mentor that has intensive corporate knowledge and can maneuver you around “corporate landmines”
§ A human resources specialist with thorough knowledge of skills needed for a promotion
§ A manager that wants to showcase your skills to impress their manager
§
If you are thinking about or have already started a business, it might be the following:
§ Lawyer(s)
§ Accountant
§ Tax expert
§ Business associate in non competing field
§ Retired executive
§ Association leaders
§ Customers
Note: Be very careful about whom you allow in your mastermind group. Ask yourself, “Who can help me achieve my goals through skills, knowledge, and honest feedback?” Honest feedback is the key. You don’t want “yes” people around you; you want people that will give you positive feedback that will set you back on course for success.
4. Embrace Challenges
World class athletes embrace all challenges as a way for them to move to the next level. They have a “bring it on” attitude and you can see it in their eyes. They realize that the spotlight is on them and they relish it. They are bold in their actions and are not afraid of making mistakes. If they make a mistake or have a defeat, they “own” them. What I mean by “owning their mistakes” is that they say, “I made the mistakes today,” or “I didn’t play to my full potential today.” By taking ownership of their mistakes they take ownership for their actions. By taking ownership of their actions, they take ownership for improving their performance. They take time to learn from any setback.
What challenges are waiting for you at work? How can you improve your community by taking a leadership role? What challenges await you at home? Face them, embrace them, learn from them, and grow with them.
5. Don’t Ever Give Up!
H. Ross Perot, the billionaire businessperson and pass presidential candidate said the following:
“Most people give up just when they’re about to achieve success, they give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touchdown.”
How many times have we seen people overcome insurmountable odds to succeed? In sports, the 2003-04 Detroit Pistons won the NBA championship against the mighty Los Angeles Lakers. The underdog Villanova University basketball team won the NCAA College Basketball championship against powerful Georgetown University.
There’s the story of Gaston Gaudio. Many of you may be asking, “Who is Gaston Gaudio?” Well, he is a 25-year-old tennis player from Argentina who turned pro in 1996. During that time he had, at best, what would be called mediocre results. Going into February of this year, he had a losing record on the tour. Because he wasn’t winning, he barely earned enough money to get to the next tournament. He asked friends in towns in which he was playing if he could sleep on their floors.
He had thoughts of giving up and going back to Argentina but he fought these off and wouldn’t give up. He believed that better things would happen. He earned a wildcard to play in one of the four biggest tennis tournaments in the world, the French Open.
Then a funny thing happened. He started to win against the best players in the world. He won his way into the championship match. He was to face one of the hottest tennis players and fellow Argentinean in Guillermo Coria, the #3 ranked player in the world. Let’s say Gaston was not expected to win, much less be competitive.
The match started as expected with Gaston on the losing end, 0-6 and 3-6. Even the television commentators suggested that Gaston quit playing, stop embarrassing himself against Guillermo, and call it quits. But Gaston wouldn’t give up. Guess what? Gaston started winning games against Guillermo. He wouldn’t give up. He believed he could win more games…and he did. Then the incredible happened…he won the French Open.
Gaston, just a month earlier didn’t have enough money to stay in hotels, took home a $1 million paycheck and the tennis world took notice. He won because he believed, persevered, and wouldn’t give up.
Do you believe in yourself, your goals, enough to defeat any obstacle that may get in the way of your success? Take a hard look at your goals and say, as Gaston did, “I believe in myself and my goals. They are worthy of my efforts. No matter what the naysayers say, no matter what obstacles get in the way, I will not give up!”
You, too, can experience the same excitement in your life. What are you doing now to achieve your “goal” medal? What are you doing to realize your goals in life?
You don’t need to be a world class athlete to achieve success in life. However, you can use many of the same success techniques that these athletes use to accomplish their goals.
The following are five goal setting tips that will help you stand on the winner’s platform in life:
1. Create Passion with Goal Setting
Take time to write down the goals that excite you. Ask yourself the following questions:
§ How will I feel when I achieve these goals?
§ What is keeping me from achieving these goals today?
§ What are the times and dates I want to achieve these goals?
§ What resources do I need to accomplish these goals?
§ What is my plan B, or secondary route, to achieving these goals?
2. Believe in Greatness
Once you have created your goals, take time to visualize your achievements. World class athletes visualize the victory before it happens. Take 15-30 minutes just before you go to bed or wake up in the morning and do the following:
§ Find a quiet place.
§ Quiet your mind, slowing down your breathing.
§ Visualize that you are already achieving whatever goal you want to accomplish. What does it look like? How does it feel?
World class athletes prepare themselves yesterday, today, and tomorrow for success through intense training and sacrifice. What are you doing to prepare yourself for your success? Do a self-analysis to find out how prepared you are today in relationship to your goals and what resources and skills you need to acquire to achieve your goals. What sacrifices are you willing to make so that you can achieve your goals? If it is a promotion, find out what skills, education, and resources are required to obtain that position. If it is a six-figure income, what sacrifices are you willing to make to realize it? Less television, more education?
I always say, “If you want something bad enough, act like you already have it.” That’s what champions do. They already believe that they will win a championship, a title, a gold medal. They have a positive, self-expecting attitude and set the bar for others to try to aspire.
I love tennis. One of my favorite tennis players is Roger Federer, the #1 ranked player in the world. When watching him play, I can see he owns the court. In his quiet, yet confident manner, he says to his opponent, “I am #1, I am the best!” Then he goes out and wins. With his positive attitude, he expects to win every time.
How can you apply this principle? Well, one example is if you are a manager and want to be promoted to vice president, act like a vice president today. That means dressing like a vice president, making decisions like a vice president, leading people like a vice president, etc. Also what it means is delegating certain tasks so that you can learn the required skills of a vice president (Read Delegate to Accelerate Success). Do you expect to succeed at any project with which you are involved?
3. Create a Mastermind Group
There is a saying, “A wise person learns from his own mistakes, a wiser person learns from other people’s mistakes.” That is what a mastermind group will do for you. Winning athletes have a mastermind group so that they will make fewer mistakes and take less time achieving their goals. A mastermind group is an assortment of people dedicated to give you the best advice, feedback, training, etc., so that you can achieve your goals faster. The mastermind group also gives you encouragement when needed. In sports, this might be a coach, a trainer, a physical trainer, manager, and agent. In your situation at work, it might be the following:
§ A mentor that has intensive corporate knowledge and can maneuver you around “corporate landmines”
§ A human resources specialist with thorough knowledge of skills needed for a promotion
§ A manager that wants to showcase your skills to impress their manager
§
If you are thinking about or have already started a business, it might be the following:
§ Lawyer(s)
§ Accountant
§ Tax expert
§ Business associate in non competing field
§ Retired executive
§ Association leaders
§ Customers
Note: Be very careful about whom you allow in your mastermind group. Ask yourself, “Who can help me achieve my goals through skills, knowledge, and honest feedback?” Honest feedback is the key. You don’t want “yes” people around you; you want people that will give you positive feedback that will set you back on course for success.
4. Embrace Challenges
World class athletes embrace all challenges as a way for them to move to the next level. They have a “bring it on” attitude and you can see it in their eyes. They realize that the spotlight is on them and they relish it. They are bold in their actions and are not afraid of making mistakes. If they make a mistake or have a defeat, they “own” them. What I mean by “owning their mistakes” is that they say, “I made the mistakes today,” or “I didn’t play to my full potential today.” By taking ownership of their mistakes they take ownership for their actions. By taking ownership of their actions, they take ownership for improving their performance. They take time to learn from any setback.
What challenges are waiting for you at work? How can you improve your community by taking a leadership role? What challenges await you at home? Face them, embrace them, learn from them, and grow with them.
5. Don’t Ever Give Up!
H. Ross Perot, the billionaire businessperson and pass presidential candidate said the following:
“Most people give up just when they’re about to achieve success, they give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touchdown.”
How many times have we seen people overcome insurmountable odds to succeed? In sports, the 2003-04 Detroit Pistons won the NBA championship against the mighty Los Angeles Lakers. The underdog Villanova University basketball team won the NCAA College Basketball championship against powerful Georgetown University.
There’s the story of Gaston Gaudio. Many of you may be asking, “Who is Gaston Gaudio?” Well, he is a 25-year-old tennis player from Argentina who turned pro in 1996. During that time he had, at best, what would be called mediocre results. Going into February of this year, he had a losing record on the tour. Because he wasn’t winning, he barely earned enough money to get to the next tournament. He asked friends in towns in which he was playing if he could sleep on their floors.
He had thoughts of giving up and going back to Argentina but he fought these off and wouldn’t give up. He believed that better things would happen. He earned a wildcard to play in one of the four biggest tennis tournaments in the world, the French Open.
Then a funny thing happened. He started to win against the best players in the world. He won his way into the championship match. He was to face one of the hottest tennis players and fellow Argentinean in Guillermo Coria, the #3 ranked player in the world. Let’s say Gaston was not expected to win, much less be competitive.
The match started as expected with Gaston on the losing end, 0-6 and 3-6. Even the television commentators suggested that Gaston quit playing, stop embarrassing himself against Guillermo, and call it quits. But Gaston wouldn’t give up. Guess what? Gaston started winning games against Guillermo. He wouldn’t give up. He believed he could win more games…and he did. Then the incredible happened…he won the French Open.
Gaston, just a month earlier didn’t have enough money to stay in hotels, took home a $1 million paycheck and the tennis world took notice. He won because he believed, persevered, and wouldn’t give up.
Do you believe in yourself, your goals, enough to defeat any obstacle that may get in the way of your success? Take a hard look at your goals and say, as Gaston did, “I believe in myself and my goals. They are worthy of my efforts. No matter what the naysayers say, no matter what obstacles get in the way, I will not give up!”
Set Yourself Free by Joy Fisher-Sykes
Lilly Tomlin said, "The problem with the rat race is even if you win, you're still a rat." A lot of us are running a rat race - feeling caged into a life of running and giving to everyone else FIRST, sometimes at your own expense. We are pulled in so many different directions - work, family, finances. It is time we put our foot down and stop feeling controlled - by people and circumstance.
Well, it's time to set yourself free. Today, begin to take stock of life and decide what is most important to you. Evaluate the benefits and the losses of certain lifestyle choices. In this quest to lead a fulfilling and quality life, here is my action plan to begin to set us free.
Free Yourself From Negative Influences. Have you ever been in the company of a person so negative you felt completely exhausted afterwards? Relationships with negative people can take a toll on your health, thoughts, and emotions. You will become the people you associate with.
Quick Tip: Don't allow "toxic people" to rule your mindset. Remove yourself from the company of negative people (I also call these individuals "toxic people"). If this isn't possible (for example at a family function), limit the time of your interaction.
Stop Putting Your Needs on Hold. We tend to put the needs of EVERYONE - our employer, family, and friends - ahead of our own. To do this denies us the opportunity to fulfill our personal wishes, goals, and desires.
Quick Tip: Make an appointment with yourself Today. Take the time now to stop and listen to your inner voice that so desperately wants to tell you your heart's desires. Now that you know what you want - take action and make your needs a top priority.
Think Outside The Box. "We can't do that! It won't work. Besides we've done it this way for the last 20 years." How many times have you heard this? We are creatures of habit and like to do things the same old way because it feels good. We love familiarity - it's comforting. Unfortunately, that familiarity, or "the box," can stifle our creative juices and rob us of great new ideas and opportunities.
Quick Tip: Expand your comfort zone and start to think outside the box. Take one thing you have done the same old way just because, and write down three new ways to do it. Take a chance. You might just surprise yourself.
Well, it's time to set yourself free. Today, begin to take stock of life and decide what is most important to you. Evaluate the benefits and the losses of certain lifestyle choices. In this quest to lead a fulfilling and quality life, here is my action plan to begin to set us free.
Free Yourself From Negative Influences. Have you ever been in the company of a person so negative you felt completely exhausted afterwards? Relationships with negative people can take a toll on your health, thoughts, and emotions. You will become the people you associate with.
Quick Tip: Don't allow "toxic people" to rule your mindset. Remove yourself from the company of negative people (I also call these individuals "toxic people"). If this isn't possible (for example at a family function), limit the time of your interaction.
Stop Putting Your Needs on Hold. We tend to put the needs of EVERYONE - our employer, family, and friends - ahead of our own. To do this denies us the opportunity to fulfill our personal wishes, goals, and desires.
Quick Tip: Make an appointment with yourself Today. Take the time now to stop and listen to your inner voice that so desperately wants to tell you your heart's desires. Now that you know what you want - take action and make your needs a top priority.
Think Outside The Box. "We can't do that! It won't work. Besides we've done it this way for the last 20 years." How many times have you heard this? We are creatures of habit and like to do things the same old way because it feels good. We love familiarity - it's comforting. Unfortunately, that familiarity, or "the box," can stifle our creative juices and rob us of great new ideas and opportunities.
Quick Tip: Expand your comfort zone and start to think outside the box. Take one thing you have done the same old way just because, and write down three new ways to do it. Take a chance. You might just surprise yourself.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
How to Boost Your Personal Power and Command of Life
You are about to read about one of the most effective self-improvement tools ever discovered. This one technique can do more for your mental strength, job performance and overall competence than dozens of self-help books or motivational seminars.
This simple formula eliminates self-criticism, fear and stress. It is applicable to any situation and works every time. You can use it repeatedly without limitation.
L. Ron Hubbard discovered the KRC Triangle in 1960.
"THE K-R-C TRIANGLE"
"The points are K for KNOWLEDGE, R for RESPONSIBILITY and C for CONTROL."
"It is difficult to be responsible for something or control something unless you have KNOWLEDGE of it."
"It is folly to try to control something or even know something without RESPONSIBILITY."
"It is hard to fully know something or be responsible for something over which you have no CONTROL, otherwise the result can be an overwhelm."
"Little by little one can make anything go right by
"INCREASING KNOWLEDGE . . . ,"
"INCREASING RESPONSIBILITY . . . ,"
"INCREASING CONTROL . . . ."
"If one sorts out any situation one finds oneself in on this basis, he will generally succeed."
"By inching up each corner of the KRC triangle bit by bit, ignoring the losses and making the wins firm, a being at length discovers his power and command of life." — L. Ron Hubbard
KRC Triangle Application Recommendations
Select a problem and write it down or type it into your computer. Then write or type the answers for each of these five steps.
1. Raise the Knowledge corner.
How can you increase your knowledge about the problem? What do you need to learn about it? What should you study to better understand the problem?
2. Raise the Responsibility corner.
How can you take more ownership for the problem? What parts of the problem are you responsible for? Can you accept responsibility for the parts you did not cause?
3. Raise the Control corner.
What part of the problem can you control? How could you take a little more control for the other parts?
4. Ignore the losses.
If you focus on losses or failures, they get bigger and more overwhelming. You then pull in even more losses. So find ways to ignore these losses.
If ignoring losses is difficult, try writing them down on a sheet of paper and then destroy the paper. Shift your attention. Stop talking or thinking about them. Avoid people who bring them up. Move on.
If you catch yourself dwelling on losses, knock it off. Put your attention elsewhere. Stop talking about losses. And learn to ignore the failures of others as well.
5. Make the wins firm.
What can you do to make your successes firm? How can you solidify them?
Maybe you can write them down or put them on a wall. Keep a record of your wins. Talk about them to everyone you can. Celebrate them.
Also, make a habit of finding and focusing on the wins of others. The more attention you put on success, the more success you get.
Some of your answers to these questions are easy, enjoyable steps. Do those right now! You will see a sudden improvement in the problem.
Then do the tougher steps you wrote. Once you start on them you will find they are not so tough after all.
If following these five steps does not completely solve the problem, repeat the steps until the problem is gone forever.
As well as solving problems for you, these steps will start to bring out the best in you. You will discover a new sense of command over life that you have always had, but never used.
Use the KRC Triangle to release the real powerhouse you know that you are.
Creative Ways to Transform Challenges:Reclaiming/Kindling What You Want In Life
Moving Away from What Doesn't Work Towards What You Want : An Empowerment Process by Nancy Bloom
When you go through life challenges, you may discover that certain areas of your life are no longer working. You're out on a limb getting shaken up. Sometimes, you're so caught up in your situation that you even lose sight of your dreams.
While you may not be able to choreograph all the outer situations in your life and make the dance exactly as you want, you can at least decide to choreograph your response to them. As part of this, you can begin to move away from what's not working in your life and to move instead in the direction you want to go. I have a three list process, originally inspired by a process I learned from Unity minister and author Catherine Ponder, which can help you do this.
List number one. What do you now choose to eliminate from your life?
Many times, when you experience a sudden or major transition, you notice what hasn't been working in your life. This is an occasion to grab hold and make some positive changes. Maybe you don't even have a choice. You have to change to respond to what's occurring in your life.
During this time, ask yourself what you would like to let go of in your life. List it in this first list. Include everything-from the most mundane item, like the clutter in your closet, to the most cosmic, like self-judgment, self-hatred or friendlessness-whatever conditions you are ready to release. You can even include health conditions. Your heart and soul will know everything that belongs on this list.
Why doing this list can be helpful is because setting the intention to eliminate and actually eliminating what doesn't work in your life makes space for what does. Nature abhors a vacuum. As soon as you get rid of those things, new good can come in.
When you complete the list, you then help empower the process by including this written statement at the end:
I thank these for the growth they've given me. I now release them, and they release me to my own highest good.
Making a huge list of everything you want to eliminate from your life can be somewhat intimidating. When, however, you thank what you're letting go of for the growth it's provided, you're essentially saying that you let go of the condition, but you choose to keep the growth and learning you've received. You're not letting go of everything. Some of you recognize what those gifts and learning have been. Others may not consciously know. You may find it beneficial to take some time as part of this to think about and write down what gifts and learning you've received from even the most difficult life challenges that you're hoping to release.
This statement is also important, because if you keep identifying what you don't want, you often become hypnotized by it. Writing "I release them" is the gesture of open hands saying "I let it go." By releasing your hold or fixation on them, they release you, too.
List number two. What do I now choose to manifest in my life? (bring into my life, create in my life-You choose the words that feel best)
This list encompasses everything that you want your life to include-once more from the most mundane to more expansive things. It can include things like positive attitudes, feeling states, and health. It can include situations like financial support and the types of relationships you want. Use the first list to help direct you. For example, if you write on the first list: "I now eliminate friendships or people that are toxic," you might write on the second list, "I now draw into my life friendships that meet me on a soul level, where we are healing for each other, and we grow together."
Relationships are an important factor to consider on this list because your life challenge may be inviting you to change the whole context of your life, and this second list can help you identify and focus on the types of people who can assist you in leaping forward into your next stage of greater well-being. You also need support during life challenges, so if you're letting go of draining relationships or lack of relationships on the first list, you might ask to draw in supportive contacts and friends on the second list.
Let this second list be wildly imaginative. Say what you really want, even though it seems unlikely you'll get it.
I've found time and time again, that when I or my clients put something on a list, it very often does happen. As a result, you have to be careful what you wish for and be fairly specific. It may be unwise to write simply: "I want to fall in love." A better approach would be: "I want to be in a loving relationship with someone who is really good for me and where I'm really good for them."
There may be some instances where you know what you want to let go of, but you don't exactly know with what you want to replace it. For example, you want to leave your current job, but you don't know what job you want next. Instead of writing down the specific work you want on your second list, consider the qualities or circumstances surrounding a job that you'd enjoy: What do you want to feel about your work? Do you want to feel glad to get up in the morning and go there? Do you want to feel like you can be yourself all day long? Do you want to feel at ease with your co-workers, manager and customers? Do you want to feel that you're receiving adequate money for your needs? Writing down the tenor of what you want, even when you don't know the specifics can still help draw something wonderful to you.
This list has an ending statement to empower the process, too:
May this or something better come to me through no harm to anyone and for the greater good of all concerned.
The "something better" is important because, at the same time you think you know what you'd like to have happen with your limited human awareness, the universe (spirit, god, higher power) might have an even better idea that you haven't thought of yet. You want to stay open to that greater will.
The second half of the statement-"through no harm to anyone and for the greater good of all concerned"-says that, as you generate your own greater good, you have a true desire that no one be harmed in the process and that you want your good to include greater good for the whole. We can feel positive when we receive what we want, because we ask that there be blessings in it for others as well. In addition, many of us don't feel worthy to have something good for ourselves, but when we affirm it in a way that's for the greater good, we relax and allow it, and it does indeed then bless others, which blesses us again.
List number three. What I am grateful for.
Once more, list everything from the smallest thing that you're grateful for to the most cosmic. Nothing more than that. I encourage you to make this list at least as long as the others. I just did this three list process the other day, and I noticed that my manifesting list was very long, so I really pushed myself to do more on my gratefulness list.
For a long while, I was mystified as to why this whole process worked for so well. Now, I believe, that while each aspect is important to the result, including the act of writing itself, it's this last list that is the fuel of the process. I realized that if you have a list of what you don't want, but it still exists in your life-and you have a list of what you do what, and it's not here yet, you can feel dissatisfied or despondent. The gratefulness list helps you step into another level of awareness, where you're telling yourself, "Even in this situation or challenge, there are so many blessings in my life." As soon as you go to that place, your being relaxes, and it allows the universe to follow the flow of what you've culled in and culled out of your life.
Another benefit of making a gratitude list during times of transition and change is that it's a good antidote to despondency. You don't have to do it just as part of this process. I recently did a process recommended by a speaker I heard where I immediately wrote ten things for which I was grateful, then added one more each day for forty days. When I was finished, I missed the process, so I started it again. I was also captivated by Sarah Ban Breathnach's suggestion from her book, Simple Abundance, which she discussed on Oprah Winfrey's show. She suggested you write down five things you're grateful for every day before you go to bed, an act which Oprah personally found life-changing.
Create a Ceremony
Doing the whole listing process as a ceremony can be especially healing and empowering, because it makes what you're doing more real to the body. The very act of writing the lists themselves can be a ceremony if you take this action in the spirit of a ritual. It's as if you're taking these things out of yourself and putting them on a page. You're making a statement to the universe about what you want you want to release, blessing and releasing it. You're acknowledging what you want your life to encompass at this point and calling those things or something better in. You're expressing gratitude.
You can also take this a step further and create a more elaborate ritual. For example, you could paint all the things you're releasing on rocks with water colors. Put them in a stream and they'll get washed downstream or, at least, the water color will get washed away. Thank them for their growth and release them. During the same ceremony, call in what you want and make your second statement. Maybe you want to take something from that natural spot that symbolically represents what you're calling in.
Once you've done the lists as a ritual with yourself, I suggest that you put them aside for a few days. Then revisit them and notice: "Did I leave anything out? Do I need to add anything or change any wording, so that it really fits me?"
If you want, you can empower the lists with someone else. I invite my clients to bring their completed lists to a session and we read them out loud. We honor them.
Once you're happy with your lists as they is, that's it. You're complete. You don't have to keep looking at them every day or affirming or visualizing them. You've done it. You've sent the information all out to the universe, so you can simply set the lists aside in a drawer or some other place. In a sense, you've planted them. Now don't go dig them out and look at them every day to make sure they're sprouting. That disturbs the gestation and growing process. Plant them, let them grow and look forward to the wonderful surprises in store.
Don't feel badly if not everything on your list happens either. As I mentioned, sometimes we don't know what's for the greater good. At the very least, I see these lists as a clarification of your values. They clarify what you want to move away from and move towards. There's great power in what you say "Yes" to in your life and to what you say "No." I knew a woman who badly scalded her hand right before company was coming for dinner. She got very angry and forcefully shouted out "No"-refusing to accept the burn. When she looked down, it had disappeared! Forcefully saying "Yes" can have powerful results, too.
If things are falling apart in your life, think of these lists like sand bags. The flood is imminent. Maybe putting sand bags up will be enough to stave off the flood waters. Maybe it won't. But you have to try something. The lists can help sway the percentages in your favor. Have faith and expect a miracle. Doing so paves the way for energy to flow. Conversely, when you fear the worst, you can get in your own way. Research has shown how observers' thoughts can affect the finest particles of matter. At least focus your dreams and free will in the direction you want to go. At the same time, work on being okay with what is-whatever that is.
Most life challenges, whether you like it or not, come to you in some form that may feel like a death, where you're letting go of the form of life as you knew it. You don't know the new that's coming in or how to call this new to you. The three list process can help. Each list shows you what's important to you, and my experience is that the process and your intention truly do create and move things in your life.
When you go through life challenges, you may discover that certain areas of your life are no longer working. You're out on a limb getting shaken up. Sometimes, you're so caught up in your situation that you even lose sight of your dreams.
While you may not be able to choreograph all the outer situations in your life and make the dance exactly as you want, you can at least decide to choreograph your response to them. As part of this, you can begin to move away from what's not working in your life and to move instead in the direction you want to go. I have a three list process, originally inspired by a process I learned from Unity minister and author Catherine Ponder, which can help you do this.
List number one. What do you now choose to eliminate from your life?
Many times, when you experience a sudden or major transition, you notice what hasn't been working in your life. This is an occasion to grab hold and make some positive changes. Maybe you don't even have a choice. You have to change to respond to what's occurring in your life.
During this time, ask yourself what you would like to let go of in your life. List it in this first list. Include everything-from the most mundane item, like the clutter in your closet, to the most cosmic, like self-judgment, self-hatred or friendlessness-whatever conditions you are ready to release. You can even include health conditions. Your heart and soul will know everything that belongs on this list.
Why doing this list can be helpful is because setting the intention to eliminate and actually eliminating what doesn't work in your life makes space for what does. Nature abhors a vacuum. As soon as you get rid of those things, new good can come in.
When you complete the list, you then help empower the process by including this written statement at the end:
I thank these for the growth they've given me. I now release them, and they release me to my own highest good.
Making a huge list of everything you want to eliminate from your life can be somewhat intimidating. When, however, you thank what you're letting go of for the growth it's provided, you're essentially saying that you let go of the condition, but you choose to keep the growth and learning you've received. You're not letting go of everything. Some of you recognize what those gifts and learning have been. Others may not consciously know. You may find it beneficial to take some time as part of this to think about and write down what gifts and learning you've received from even the most difficult life challenges that you're hoping to release.
This statement is also important, because if you keep identifying what you don't want, you often become hypnotized by it. Writing "I release them" is the gesture of open hands saying "I let it go." By releasing your hold or fixation on them, they release you, too.
List number two. What do I now choose to manifest in my life? (bring into my life, create in my life-You choose the words that feel best)
This list encompasses everything that you want your life to include-once more from the most mundane to more expansive things. It can include things like positive attitudes, feeling states, and health. It can include situations like financial support and the types of relationships you want. Use the first list to help direct you. For example, if you write on the first list: "I now eliminate friendships or people that are toxic," you might write on the second list, "I now draw into my life friendships that meet me on a soul level, where we are healing for each other, and we grow together."
Relationships are an important factor to consider on this list because your life challenge may be inviting you to change the whole context of your life, and this second list can help you identify and focus on the types of people who can assist you in leaping forward into your next stage of greater well-being. You also need support during life challenges, so if you're letting go of draining relationships or lack of relationships on the first list, you might ask to draw in supportive contacts and friends on the second list.
Let this second list be wildly imaginative. Say what you really want, even though it seems unlikely you'll get it.
I've found time and time again, that when I or my clients put something on a list, it very often does happen. As a result, you have to be careful what you wish for and be fairly specific. It may be unwise to write simply: "I want to fall in love." A better approach would be: "I want to be in a loving relationship with someone who is really good for me and where I'm really good for them."
There may be some instances where you know what you want to let go of, but you don't exactly know with what you want to replace it. For example, you want to leave your current job, but you don't know what job you want next. Instead of writing down the specific work you want on your second list, consider the qualities or circumstances surrounding a job that you'd enjoy: What do you want to feel about your work? Do you want to feel glad to get up in the morning and go there? Do you want to feel like you can be yourself all day long? Do you want to feel at ease with your co-workers, manager and customers? Do you want to feel that you're receiving adequate money for your needs? Writing down the tenor of what you want, even when you don't know the specifics can still help draw something wonderful to you.
This list has an ending statement to empower the process, too:
May this or something better come to me through no harm to anyone and for the greater good of all concerned.
The "something better" is important because, at the same time you think you know what you'd like to have happen with your limited human awareness, the universe (spirit, god, higher power) might have an even better idea that you haven't thought of yet. You want to stay open to that greater will.
The second half of the statement-"through no harm to anyone and for the greater good of all concerned"-says that, as you generate your own greater good, you have a true desire that no one be harmed in the process and that you want your good to include greater good for the whole. We can feel positive when we receive what we want, because we ask that there be blessings in it for others as well. In addition, many of us don't feel worthy to have something good for ourselves, but when we affirm it in a way that's for the greater good, we relax and allow it, and it does indeed then bless others, which blesses us again.
List number three. What I am grateful for.
Once more, list everything from the smallest thing that you're grateful for to the most cosmic. Nothing more than that. I encourage you to make this list at least as long as the others. I just did this three list process the other day, and I noticed that my manifesting list was very long, so I really pushed myself to do more on my gratefulness list.
For a long while, I was mystified as to why this whole process worked for so well. Now, I believe, that while each aspect is important to the result, including the act of writing itself, it's this last list that is the fuel of the process. I realized that if you have a list of what you don't want, but it still exists in your life-and you have a list of what you do what, and it's not here yet, you can feel dissatisfied or despondent. The gratefulness list helps you step into another level of awareness, where you're telling yourself, "Even in this situation or challenge, there are so many blessings in my life." As soon as you go to that place, your being relaxes, and it allows the universe to follow the flow of what you've culled in and culled out of your life.
Another benefit of making a gratitude list during times of transition and change is that it's a good antidote to despondency. You don't have to do it just as part of this process. I recently did a process recommended by a speaker I heard where I immediately wrote ten things for which I was grateful, then added one more each day for forty days. When I was finished, I missed the process, so I started it again. I was also captivated by Sarah Ban Breathnach's suggestion from her book, Simple Abundance, which she discussed on Oprah Winfrey's show. She suggested you write down five things you're grateful for every day before you go to bed, an act which Oprah personally found life-changing.
Create a Ceremony
Doing the whole listing process as a ceremony can be especially healing and empowering, because it makes what you're doing more real to the body. The very act of writing the lists themselves can be a ceremony if you take this action in the spirit of a ritual. It's as if you're taking these things out of yourself and putting them on a page. You're making a statement to the universe about what you want you want to release, blessing and releasing it. You're acknowledging what you want your life to encompass at this point and calling those things or something better in. You're expressing gratitude.
You can also take this a step further and create a more elaborate ritual. For example, you could paint all the things you're releasing on rocks with water colors. Put them in a stream and they'll get washed downstream or, at least, the water color will get washed away. Thank them for their growth and release them. During the same ceremony, call in what you want and make your second statement. Maybe you want to take something from that natural spot that symbolically represents what you're calling in.
Once you've done the lists as a ritual with yourself, I suggest that you put them aside for a few days. Then revisit them and notice: "Did I leave anything out? Do I need to add anything or change any wording, so that it really fits me?"
If you want, you can empower the lists with someone else. I invite my clients to bring their completed lists to a session and we read them out loud. We honor them.
Once you're happy with your lists as they is, that's it. You're complete. You don't have to keep looking at them every day or affirming or visualizing them. You've done it. You've sent the information all out to the universe, so you can simply set the lists aside in a drawer or some other place. In a sense, you've planted them. Now don't go dig them out and look at them every day to make sure they're sprouting. That disturbs the gestation and growing process. Plant them, let them grow and look forward to the wonderful surprises in store.
Don't feel badly if not everything on your list happens either. As I mentioned, sometimes we don't know what's for the greater good. At the very least, I see these lists as a clarification of your values. They clarify what you want to move away from and move towards. There's great power in what you say "Yes" to in your life and to what you say "No." I knew a woman who badly scalded her hand right before company was coming for dinner. She got very angry and forcefully shouted out "No"-refusing to accept the burn. When she looked down, it had disappeared! Forcefully saying "Yes" can have powerful results, too.
If things are falling apart in your life, think of these lists like sand bags. The flood is imminent. Maybe putting sand bags up will be enough to stave off the flood waters. Maybe it won't. But you have to try something. The lists can help sway the percentages in your favor. Have faith and expect a miracle. Doing so paves the way for energy to flow. Conversely, when you fear the worst, you can get in your own way. Research has shown how observers' thoughts can affect the finest particles of matter. At least focus your dreams and free will in the direction you want to go. At the same time, work on being okay with what is-whatever that is.
Most life challenges, whether you like it or not, come to you in some form that may feel like a death, where you're letting go of the form of life as you knew it. You don't know the new that's coming in or how to call this new to you. The three list process can help. Each list shows you what's important to you, and my experience is that the process and your intention truly do create and move things in your life.
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